‘It’s been so long!’

We all know about the sexual double standard between men and women.  Men are held to high esteem for the quickness of their game, while women are labeled easy if they can get a man to unzip quick.  I was recently reminded of a guy I seriously dated for several months last year.  He was your typical alpha male.  His pitch was that he was done with having fun (because he has played the field for so long), and was really looking for someone to settle down with.  I was thinking the same thing, but I had to adjust my pitch just a tad. 

I should first give a little background on my dating habits.  If I really like someone I like to ‘test-drive’ them as soon as possible.  For me sex is an important part of a relationship, and if that’s not going to work out I want to know before it gets difficult to extricate myself from the relationship.  It’s usually a safe assumption that if I haven’t slept with you (or at least made the innuendo) after the first two dates — I’m just not that into you. 

Fast forward to this encounter.  Second date and he easily ends up in my bed.  I’m ussually pretty passionate and of course before things got started I gave my pitch: “It’s been so long!”.  The truth is it hadn’t been long.  At the time I had my very convenient FWB, and so really it had only been 3 days.  The funny part is that after the fact he said “I know it had been a long time because you were so impatient and passionate”.  All I can say is “Ha!”. 

But the truth is that’s what men like to hear.  I think men get insecure if they’re confronted with a women that is unashamed to embrace her sexuality.  They like to think she has been holding out just for him.  I guess some people would think I am not that independent when it comes to sexuality because I still will ‘cover-up’ the truth when I deal with men.  I just think it means I’ve learned to play within the rules of the game.  I think the independence a woman feels should be within herself and her comfort level.  I never have to tell people or brag about my conquests.  I guess that’s another difference between men and women, but I digress…

In the end that relationship didn’t work out.  For somebody who had played the field so much, this guy was truly insecure.  Once we got serious he depended on me for EVERYTHING.  Couldn’t even make career decisions without me telling him what to do — and we had only dated 6 months!  In my book that is not normal and I don’t need clingy-ness.  Sometimes I feel like the man in relationships.

“And when a woman’s will is as strong as the man’s who wants to govern her, half her strength must be concealment.” ~George Eliot



  1. Wow, I have been pondering the issues of gender equality with regards to the way I play it and here you are voicing my opinion. I’m also a ‘test drive’ kinda girl cause why bother getting in any deeper if we can’t create some great heat in bed. Love the quote.


  2. I was always a “test drive” girl too. And you are right on with this post! There is a huge double standard with men. I’ve even been told of it outright because “women can catch diseases easier than men”. *cough* BS! Thank you for this post – You’ve articulated well the problem that has gone on for centuries.

  3. […] ‘It’s been so long!’ […]

  4. Amen! Why the double standard? I think men should not be put off if women want and have had as much sex as they have. And if they are? Fuck that!

  5. I agree — men need to grow up and realize we are not waiting for them to save us. However, I don’t mind adjusting my game if they’re going to be babies about it. At the end of the day I’ll still get mine 😉

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